2017: A Thoughtful Journey

By Liku Layuk Allo - January 08, 2018

*this post was meant to published on December 31st, but I simply forgot and now a week has passed. duh*

2017.

Two days ago, I sat back in my couch and relax, just thinking about what 2017 has taught me, and I just went all smile. What a year..

me in Bukit Campuhan, Ubud, Bali

2016 was great and when I waved goodbye to 2016 a short 365 days ago, I knew right from the start that 2017 was going to be a big year. I had a very positive feeling, I was pretty damn sure about some aspects in my life that I thought I'll have. I dont know why I was really sure about 2017. Lol. That's why people say "keep ur shits together, honey." That's why people also say be careful on what u wish for..

And the first thing that 2017 taught me was how to accept the reality.

We can't control everything. Wherever we step, and whatever we do, there is always a consequence that we'll be disappointed. Say, when you board a plane, there is a chance (no matter how small it is) the plane may fall. Or when you invest in a business, no matter how small the stock you plant, there is a chance of loss. When you got accepted at a workplace, it may be rewarding at first, but after that there will be periods where you may have to be ready to be placed anywhere. When you follow the competition let alone, it's only either you win or you lose.
Because life is all about chances and possibilities...

'How could this happen?'
'Why me?'

There were moments in 2017 where I keep repeated those questions to myself; to universe, like a broken robot. There was a grey cloud hanging around my head that didn’t seem to budge. The negativity I was feeling towards myself and my situation lasted for some time. I worked with head full of thoughts. Imagining how great it would be if everything just went smooth like I always wished...wondering why I was not brave enough to say the things I wish I have said and canceling the things I wish I didn't do..

What has helped me the most through shits in this year is living a life of gratitude. As low as I can be, every morning when I wake up I thank God that I woke up. As hard, shitty and unfair life is sometimes, I still want to be a part of it.

I’ve learnt that no matter what happens, the people(that stay) in your life will remain your biggest blessing.

And to think about it, I never ran out of precious moments and blessings this whole year :

My older brother got married in March and I finally have a sister
We finally met my uncle(my father's brother) and his daughters (my cousins) whom I never seen in my entire life, and I also met my grandmother whom I had never met since childhood
There is also that sad moment where my father got into hospital due to cardiac arrest. But thank God he was healed and he can come home after a few days in hospital
There were also moments where I had some arguments/disagreements with my parents, but then I realized that it was all needed in terms of growing up and being adult
I finally finished my 1 year-internship
I got accepted in a well-known beauty clinic yet I had to refuse due to some considerations
When I finished my internship, I quite worry about losing my main livelihood and confused on choosing what should I do next. But I just followed the flow and finally found a job. I was reminded once again that I have a lil company on my own (Wanderlust Project). I made my own money. Talking about business, it's not always smooth, you know. Things change and some important matters need to be set between us company holders. But God is indeed very kind to me. I never ran out of money to feed and buy necessary things for myself, and still managed to give a lil to others
I traveled to some beautiful places in Indonesia (Jakarta, Bandung, Bali, Nusa Penida, Jogja, Bira..)
I enrolled in social activity at mental illness rehabilitation with my komsel group(bible study group). This experience is very meaningful to me. What a great feeling to pray together with people in need, and I can't wait to do it again. One of the best moment in my life. Such a bless.

And my family and friends. Thank you for keeping me sane. Thank you for being around. Thank you for always being in reach whenever I just need a friend to talk. Thank you for loving me.

And if I have to think about it all again now, it's all a process. To greater me, to stronger me; that I am an adult and full of responsibilities yet I still have dreams. The greatest blessings is yet to come.

2017. You broke my heart, you made me question everything, but damn did you make me strong.

Terima kasih.

"When I am worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings, instead of sheep.."

-Irving Berlin