Jangankan ke manusia, ke benda mati pun I’m still struggling. Like, right now. Even though, ironically, I am working in the field where I always say "hi" first; saying “hi” to you, my blog, fills me with some strange feeling. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because it’s been so long since we last spoke. Maybe because we “discover” our “new-self” in the temporary hiatus, and to meet each other again feels like two strangers in the scheme. 2020 has been crazy liquid, and to tell you it’s a ‘challenging year’ is an understatement. It changes me in a way I couldn't describe. 

Well, we’re not going to describe how the year went. Otherwise, I am just simply trying to meet you again. Hoping to find the old comfort-zone that I always been honest with, more than anyone in the world. Because you are like this other reflection of my own existence. My silent spectator, friend, and safest place. You won’t judge and budge. I do hope to find my own inner child, inner teenager, and younger version of this 30 yo Liku, hoping that I will discover them to find some sort of… I don’t know, revelation? To get my zen? To find answer? I don’t know. 

Let’s just roaming freely and let the wind blow. And for now, I’m writing this daily journal in order to reach inner soul, or whatever is it. I just think this is the easiest thing to do to cope up with my anxiety. To feel something. Just writing anything that cross my mind, not thinking too much. And not being segmented like my other blog posts, not really think about the perfect grammar. Hell, I’m just gonna fucking write my life in daily basis. And by God’s grace, I hope this helps me. 

Well again, how are you? 

Me? I guess I’m fine at the moment. I’ve been in worse place. Currently I am alone at my new private space and finally a “proper” place to write without any fuss and noises. I just cleaned my whole room and bathroom; washed some dishes and clothes. I also did some 30 minutes workout and burn 200 calories. And shower. Not bad rite. Finally, I’m relaxing a bit. 

It’s been hard to relax these past months. Oh, I am not really busy if you ask; but my mind always filled with random thoughts and I really need to be careful with my own thoughts, sometimes it eats me out, and leads me to endless tears. That’s why I decided to be more active (physically) nowadays. Besides to losing fat (I am struggling to fit in my pants). By being active, my mind is not overly busy and I go to sleep easily. I am still far away to my goal weight and body, but at least there are other benefits to it. Gosh, it’s so hard to losing weight now! Kebayang ga sih, anda sudah olahraga capek-capek, BB cuma turun 200-300 gram. Trus sekali makan seporsi aja, berat langsung naik lagi 500 gram. Fucking metabolism. How different it was in my younger days, when it was so easy to lose weight. I remember I went to tae kwon do practice two – three times a week, but still eat anything that I want and still consistent with 42-45 kgs. Aging sucks. Lol. 

Well anyway, I guess that’s all for now. 

See you again.